Sonic And Amy Versus The World!
by The Sky Hedgehogian Maestro
Summary: When Sonic and Amy crash land in Oz City, the only thing that can keep them alive is love. No matter how one-sided it is. But can love help them defeat the evilest evil organization to evil around the evil? Only time, love, boobies, and lame pop culture references will tell. Insert 25 cents to begin!
1. 00 Sunny Sound Zone

A note from your generous author: Have a bully time. And don't forget to use cheat codes. Also a pre-reading warning= those _aren't_ typos. Just lame attempts to look kewl.

**SONIC AND AMY VERSUS**

**THE WORLD**

[INSERT 25¢ TO BEGIN!]

* * *

CHAPTER ZERO

* * *

_A- JUMP_

_A x2- HOMING ATTACK/ DOUBLE JUMP_

_B- PUNCH_

_B x5- PUNCH COMBO + FINISHER_

_X- KICK_

_X x5- KICK COMBO + FINISHER_

_Y- SLAM ATTACK/ HAMMER CRUSH_

_Y x 3- TORNADO SLAM/ TORNADO HAMMER_

_LEFT TRIGGER- BLOCK_

_RIGHT TRIGGER- SPECIAL ATTACK_

_HOLD LEFT TRIGGER AND X- TAUNT_

* * *

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* * *

SUNNY SOUND ZONE

"ACT ONE"

[2D Side-Scroller Level]

* * *

"Wait, I didn't get the-"

[BEGIN!]

* * *

Sonic races so fast across the Sunny Sound, for miles behind him, the water blocks out the sun. His speed is so beast, the sound barrier itself readies for a good shattering, and through several badniks he speeds! A sniper's crosshair pops up on the head of an Egg Goliath- might I add a sweatdrop?- before this, that balled Sonic rips the head clean off. He lands and blows off anotherways, someway a byway I don't know-way and it is this way he hits the way to the next area of platforms. One to right, one to left, one below comes up. Below all the platforms, blue water slipping over rocks covered in the remains of robo's too stupid to respect gravity.

Skid stopping him, he retracts his body and springs fifty feet into the area, landing on the flat levitating plat.

"Why _do _these things float?" We may never know, friend, but look alive- here comes another. Sonic turns and jumps to the next, and finds a Double-Loaded Spring.

HOLD "A"

Come on-come on-come-on-come on-come-on-come on-come-on- complete, _**JUMP!**_

**1-UP!**

"Sweet!" Sonic hits the ground running and also takes the time to hit a ring-laden loop-de-loop. After getting only two of those gold things, wouldn't you believe it?

**1-UP!**

100 Rings!

_::Hey! Try Using Your Special Attack On Those Foo's Up There!::_

Sonic thrusts his hand outwards, and blue strings spiral to his palm in a maelstrom. As he curls his fingers, the winds condenses into a steel blue orb. He throws- _"Sonic Wind!_"-and all five hundred Egg Pawns meet their doom an explosion larger than the island itself. Trailed by smoke, bits of steel and metal parts scream forward- but Sonic is faster still, and outruns it all as he heads towards a cave. Ah, the light at the end of this one shines like gold near the sun!

A robotic snake breaks in half, how stupid it was trying to stop Sonic's exit.

"So what do I do with all these-" Sonic hits the ground, having taken a drill to the face. And it's a sharp drill too. Do you see all those rings right there? Have you ever heard Sonic roar before?

"_**NO.**_" Now you have, and the badnik lived a good life. May his soul rest in gravy heaven.

_::Hey! You've defeated enough enemies to boost. Blow their metal butts away with a Sonic Boom.::_

HOLD DOWN X WHEN YOU HAVE ENOUGH ENERGY.

"No need to tell me twice." No enemies ahead right now, but why wait for any? Sonic boosts his speed manyfold, and- with a proper sonic boom kicking it off- he breaks the sound barrier. Don't even try to guess how many twists and turns he's passed- it's enough to turn your brain to slush. In fact, you're not even looking in the right place- Sonic is way- _waaaaaa-aaay_ over there.

Sput-sput-sput... The boost is out.

"Oh well!" Sonic shrugs and continues running down a hill, compacts, and blasts off a ramp through a cloud and back down onto a seventeenth islet. He looks as if he's going to blast through these next squadrons of badniks and Egg Pawns, but another skid stops him.

"Yo, droids. Meet mah fists."

Sonic throws the first punch, busting out the chassis of an Egg Pawn, before picking it up over his head and throwing it into a second and third. Fists to his chest, he walks forward, popping each badnik in his way- all blowing up in one hit- and saves a sideways karate kick for the last Egg Pawn of the bunch. Ah, that's why he stopped! A magnetic-electrical fence opens its doors and he speeds on. For this next round, he refuses to break his flow.

He bear hugs an E-2000, smashes out its shield, and tosses it into the flying-along ocean without pausing. It is also to note he has grabbed one hundred and ninety more rings- meaning he just lost over two hundred rings when he smacked into that palm tree over here. Back here- no, this way. Waaaaay back here. This one.

He tries to collect the scattered things, but only grabs 19. He frowns and moves on, choosing to take a high route over the lower lands with a leap to an aerial grass platform.

"No, seriously, does no one ask why these things are floating? Isn't this some sorta freakish unexplained phenomenon? And where do all these rings come from? If they're so powerful, how come the world's still chokin' itself on fossil fuels and-and nuclear stuff, and-" Pay attention to the scrolling, hedgehog! Two platforms down, he hits a spring headfirst and is sent skyward to a hipline. He zips down, feet forward to smash up all the floating Beesips in his way, and also to collect the ten rings.

"Shiny, shiny things!" Onwards, onwards to that a Goal Ring!

-RESULTS-

TIME: 1:22

RINGS: 29

TIME SCORE: 1220

RING SCORE: 2900

ENEMY SCORE: 23,550

BONUS: 2500

TOTAL SCORE: 30,170

XP EARNED: 900

XP BONUS: 125

**-**_**D**_-

**:/**

"Pfft. I wasn't even tryin'." Sure. "No, seriously." Yeah, we believe you. Now get on your way to Mechanical Madness.

And by the way, you level up.

SONIC THE HEDGEHOG...

LEVEL 2

You Have Three Chaos Points

**What stats would you like to increase?**

"Why not speed? I was a total snail in that last stage."

Speed +2. Your attacks now have more speed, and you move a bit more quickly!

"So?"

**You cannot increase speed anymore until the next level.**

"Oh. Then Defense and Constit- what does 'Constitution' do?"

**It reduces the amount of rings dropped. **

"Hmm... Yeah, I'll take that. By how much?"

**When you level up to Level 2, only one. It kinda stays there until, like (Level Withheld) though.**

"Dang."

Defense +2. Your defense move has been slightly reinforced.

Constitution +2. You can now hold onto one ring when hit.

XP To Next Level- 5000.

"Wait, is that how much I need or-"

**No, that's the total XP. You have 1,025 XP, so you need 3,975 more XP points to level up.**

"Ah." Sonic blasts towards Eggman's base atop the hill. "And hey, what did you mean by '2D Side-scroller?"

**Didn't you see everything in 2D? All the isometric sprites and stuff?**

"Yeah, but-but that doesn't explain- what's the difference? Do we get 3D Adventure stages too?"

**Actually, we also get (Information Withheld, Now Play This Ga- Er, Read This Story Already)**

"_Ohhh! Man. Why does Amy get all the fun?!_"

**You're too fast for those stages. OFF YOU GO.**

[Cut to Picture Of Dastardly Evil Base of Dastardly Evil Plots]

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terminate_null_sys..xy (..3,2)

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_thesky_20%_hedgehogian_20%_maestro_20%_presents|

_systemreboot.-=harddrivereactivated._

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* * *

So you survived the first level. Big effin' whoop. Everyone knows that if you fail the first level, you suck at life. B'sides, we haven't even met Eggman or Amy- let alone got to Oz City yet. So we still playin' this like a Sonic game, rohm. Nah get to the next level! And no cheat codes!

**Can you stop?**

Yes.

* * *

Chapter Zero

"Level Up"

0.0- Sunny Sound Zone

0.1- Egg Anemone= BOSS

0.2- PRIZES AND EVENTS

0.3- Egg Transpo'= EVENT

0.4- Rubadessen- Port 51

0.5- Rubadessen Denkai Piers

0.6 The Radikal Akorn= BOSS

0.7- PRIZES AND EVENTS II

0.8- Opening Credits

(Yes. The Opening Credits are last. But this is only Chapter Zero, so if you dare click off now- ah said, if you **DARE **click off this story... What? What?! Get off me, bro. And read it.)

(Rated T for Teen!)


	2. 01 Egg Anenome BOSS

"Fill the down at three point five percent interest. Just fill the form at your leisure and wait three to five weeks-" PUNCH  
**+100!**  
"Huh? Plus a hundred what?" Shrug it off. We have entered the next zone and now you know that you got your back against the wall. "Back ain't against no wall! I just tore all those Egg Pawns up back there." But Sonic, it's getting hot. It'sa gettin' hot up in he-ya! "I don't want you as a narrator anymore." Don't want me talkin' no mo! Don't want me-

* * *

[Surprisingly Violent Narrator Change]

* * *

Our spry player sifts through the sounds of mechanical madness and entangles himself in the labyrinthine puzzle. Up ahead we get to witness the return of Egg-Falcon, the same Sonic's managed to counter-harry all the times it harried him.  
HI-HO! PUNCH.  
"Since when could I do that?" Punch? Sonic, I know you've historically been ultra-childish and about jumping on robots' heads, but- "No! That-that 'hi-hoooo!' thing. That just freaked me out." You unlocked it when you leveled up. "Oh. Didn't notice i- wh-wha-..." Sonic sputters. "What happened to my rings?!" You had to- "I had fifty-seven rings. Now I only have seventeen? Way past uncool, man. Way past uncool." Hush up boy- how he nicks 'em!- the cost drops with every new level up. "Oh... I knew that." Here comes a cylinder, and the card inside is inviting.  
20 RINGS  
**FiIiIgHt!** "What?!" **fIiIiGhT**! An Egg Pawn smacks him across the face- oooh, that was a straight, epic pimp slap for all time- and he goes down. Egg Pawn after Egg Pawn dog piles on top.

**A-X-A-X-A-X-A-X-A-X-A- awww...**  
Should've pressed A+X.

[7 Lives Remaining]

"What just happened." You died. Start from this checkpoint. Star post be light! "Whoa-whoa-whoa, hol' up. Are you saying that those trash cans killed me? OK. This needs to be restated." Stand back, player!

* * *

"Oh. **_Hell_** no."

* * *

I'm sure Egg Heaven will find those Egg Pawns loving homes, but we don't have the time. Sonic finishes with great time to spare- did I not mention there was a timer? And that he had three minutes? In fact, we have nearly forty seconds remaining.

"Too. Easy."  
Then we'll make it too hard, foo'.  
"Please do."

* * *

RESULTS...  
TIME: - CRUSH.

"Wha?!"  
"Sonic!"  
"What?"  
"Sonic!"  
This is terrible story writing!  
"Listen here, Doctor Bignose McFurrylip!" This is terrible dialogue! "Give me back Amy, or else!"  
"If you want your girlfriend, you have to defeat my most latest and grrrrrrrreatest creation!" It is a trap, and Sonic is sent into a chamber. All that remains is a video feed- very VHS in quality, mind you- and the presenting of Amy to a door two hundred times her height, following her rather nasty entrance from a narrow chute above.  
And cue now the standard Gnahahahaha! And his laugh is amplified by this theater of chamber. Grimdark is thy name! Black shadows and fades into bleakness pervade it all, with rusted metal and collapsing coils of madness shot with electricity that only prove to enhance the o'erhanging icon to Doctor Robotnik.  
"Now, Rose... You must fight to save your precious Sonic!"  
Oooh, twist!  
"Never fear, Sonikku! Your Amy Rose is here!" Her glittering orbs sparkle in the waves of light from the spotlights embedded into the walls. If you don't know what the hell I was just talking about, get in line- that's how most fanfiction and romance writers write.  
"Amy, run away!" Sonic cries galiantly.  
"**_Never!_**" Amy screams passionately and also heroically through her smiling and gritting teeth as she flushes her rose quills to the side of her round and scarred head, which had been scarred by the fall from earlier before Eggman's evil laugh that echoes throughout the lightless, hope-draining chamber, although she couldn't see every quill she swept back with her white-gloved hands as most of your hair, unless it's long, is past your line of sight and-  
"You, Amy Rose, have come to meet your maker! Meet... The Eggicorn!" Sonic blasts out of his chamber and rips the gay-as-all-living-hell thing apart in a rage blind before walking back to his prison, arms folded, and angry- troll-faced. Somehow, Eggman expected this and, with the push of a button, summons the back-up.  
"The Egg Anenome!"  
FIGHT!

"Wait, so... I can't help?"  
Not right now, Sonic.

* * *

AMY ROSE  
[FIRST PERSON 3D STAGE]

* * *

"I call abrupt and unnecessary change of pace!"  
"Quiet you!" You run ahead, avoiding each of the seven laser bolts coming your way, and- what's that? A monkey bar. Ne'er question why are monkey bars inside an evil chamber of rusty doom, just take what you have! You swing from each one, and then land ahead of a pool that you could have completely bypassed by running on that path over there, or the other one, or that one up there, or the walk way just next to the pool, or just by running around the pool and monkeybars.  
"Get a load of this!" The Anenome fires a series of spikes- they crash down with chaos! But you've avoided them and have collected five more rings in the process. Over here, there's a cylinder, but you can't quite make it out... what is in there? One way to find out! You ready your Piko Piko Hammer for a smash and prepare to claim your power up.

**TROLL-UP: Who, Me?**  
**Free +150 Ring Energy (RP). Trollolol? Your character farts almost nonstop for 15 seconds.**

"Wo-hahaha-ow, Amy!"  
"Shut. Up. Sonic!" Yes, Sonic. There's a 100% chance you yourself'll happen upon one of these sooner or later.  
"Hey, I O.D. on chili dogs. You think my bum smells like peaches and sweets? Like I care?"  
You- fart- rush- fart- towards the Egg -fart- Anenome- fart-  
"This is so embarrassing!" Amy- fart- cries as she blushes and covers her cheeks (you may decide which ones), rosier than- fart- she is. Eggman's face is- fart- one of vast, epic perturbed confusion. Faaaaaaaarblblblbl. The Troll-Up has ended.  
"Wahahahahahahaaa!" Sonic pats his knee. "OK. I'm feelin' good enough to fight now. Just let me-" No. Stay. "Awww..."  
You take a hit, and lose your rings. You're able to check another cylinder, in fact only five steps away from you now, for more rings. Are you willing?  
"No!" Amy stutters in her reply...

* * *

Three hits in and now possibly suffering from massive internal trauma- that blunt, slapping pain you're feeling in your chest, gut, arms, legs, and face is not helping this argument- you finally notice your chance for victory. One last ring! You run to take it- success! But the Egg Anenome will merely rape you of it, no doubt. What to do?  
Why not this?  
"Oh, Eggboy, honey. Tsk tsk tsk." Amy postures herself and walks to the lowest spine of the Anenome, in fact not even in a smug manner, and inserts the ring into an Insert-Ring-To- Self-Destruct slot.  
"The One-Ring self-destruction sequence has been activated. This machine has entered the final stages of self-destruction. Thank you for serving the Eggman Empire."  
Eggman slouches, brow low, as he considers this. "Not one of my better ideas."  
"YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHH HHHHHHHH!"  
Sonic tucks Amy in his arms as he screams out of the doomed base. It explodes in a fireball too large for the robot, but they do it. That's all that matters.

* * *

"Nice job, Farty."  
"Shut up!"  
"Farty."  
"I can't wait until you get one of those troll-ups. And I hope it's worse."  
"Ain't funna to."  
Don't count your chickens before the mother's born yet, Sonic. And Amy? Before traversing the lonely path of revenge... Farty.  
"SHUT UP!"


End file.
